"Out with the Old"

Here are a few excerpts from my final paper in my Critical Thinking English class from last semester. We had to write a paper about how we had changed our mind on something and when we were given the assignment I knew that I had the perfect topic.

Out With the Old

3. Marry a RM in the temple; One of the many things on my “TO DO” list for my life that I made numerous times when I was younger. The placement on the list didn’t matter but there was a reoccurring theme of this being on every list that I created. Being raised in the church and learning the importance of missions, I KNEW that I would marry a boy who had faithfully served a full-time mission, returned with honor and swept me off my feet. Before school started this semester I was faced with a decision of marriage to my best friend who had not served a full-time mission and my long-time standard was challenged.

This decision wasn’t something that came from nowhere to blindside me, but has gradually been building the past few years of my life. During my junior year of high school I made a new friend, Jared Fielding. As our friendship grew, my feelings for him also grew as I realized that I liked him as more than just a friend. Two months before we graduated from high school we started dating. When August came, a new chapter in our lives opened as we started a long distance relationship and headed to BYU schools; him in Utah and me in Idaho. As we continued dating we talked about the future and how he would serve a mission and I would keep going to school-not talking about what would happen to our relationship when this change came. On black Friday of last year the big white envelope came in the mail, and he was called to serve in the Salvador Brazil Mission for two years, leaving in April. As the months passed and the preparation continued, April came quickly. The day before he was to leave we said our goodbyes and he left my house, with me thinking that I wouldn’t see him for two years. Later that night I received a phone call that he wasn’t leaving. As the next few months passed and after a lot of meetings with proper leadership, we found out that Jared wasn’t going to be serving a full-time mission due to health circumstances. And that is wasn't what he was supposed to be doing at this time in his life.

My heart started a battle with my head; Jared and I had been dating for just over two years and my feelings for him were strong, but I had always dreamed of marrying an RM. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t supposed and was unable to serve; all worthy and able young men are called so serve missions, and he fit into both of those categories. The next few months this battle would continue as I started searching for advice. I started with studying the scriptures, my patriarchal blessing and attending the temple on the matter. I talked to my mom who had previously made a statement about how when I got married she would have four returned missionaries in the family. As we would talk she would remind me about how amazing Jared is and how it didn’t matter if he had served because she would rather have me marry someone who would regularly take me to the temple. Her words comforted me a little bit, but that characteristic had always been on my check list and I couldn’t dismiss it.

(Yada yada... some more in the middle...)

One day Lisa sent me a link to an article entitled “Confidence Tests: From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision” by Elder Lance B. Wickman of the Quorum of the 70. As I read through this talk it became a source of comfort and reasoning for me to be able to take control of both my head and my heart in making a decision. One part of his talk stood out to me when he talked about courting and preparing for marriage. He warns against basing our experience off of what he calls “superficial ‘ticket punching.’” He boldly says:

By that, I mean do not base your decisions solely on whether someone has served a full-time mission or holds a particular calling in your ward. These things can be, should be, and usually are indications of devotion, faithfulness, and integrity. But not always. That is the reason you need to get acquainted. Know someone well enough to learn his or her heart and character firsthand and not just his or her “gospel résumé.”

When I read that quote I knew that I was making this decision much harder than it needed to be. My standard was changed from that very moment; I had been upholding a standard for shallow reasons. I had thought that those men who had served full-time missions were the only ones who were worthy of marriage, something that I was conditioned to believe through my upbringing. As I informed Jared of my new realization, happiness came upon me that I can’t describe but I knew that changing my opinion had been one of the greatest things I had done. I am now engaged to be married to Jared on April 9, 2011 for time and all eternity and couldn’t be happier.

Enjoy the Journey.