Let Her Be Two

Lately I have been trying to enjoy the "moments" more of being her mother. She makes me so incredibly happy and teaches me so much. She reminds me that no matter what I do, she loves me. She teaches me that it is ok to hurt, but that things will be better (or da-e will come home from work). She teaches me to slow down, to enjoy the walk home from church, or around the grocery store. She reminds me that some days, you just need some independence and no one will really care if your clothes match (especially if you're two).

It is truly a blessing to be her mother.

She's growing up much too fast these days, I'm constantly amazed at the things she says! 

Here are a few excerpts from our days lately: 

-As she places her cold hands down Jared's shirt to warm them up, "Da-e, stay calm, it's gonna be ok."

-As we tickle her in our bed Sunday morning, "Stop it guys!!!" (full of laughter)

-As we jump/play with her on the tramp "This is so great, thanks mom and dad!" (on day 3 of having a tramp.)

What if she spills her cereal on the floor as she takes her bowl to the sink? She's two, and she'll help you clean it up. What if she isn't supposed to be wearing her tap shoes on the wood, but she is and she falls? She's two, so you pick her up and snuggle her extra. What if she lets Mamy (Emmaline) out of the house and they run wild in the front yard? She's two, so you bring them in and have a talk about safety & are glad you have a rock parking pad next to your driveway that keeps them from the street. What if she insists her hair is curled (or straightened to be like yours) and you don't really feel like it? She's two, and you know she won't let you do it forever so you do it anyways and find yourself really enjoying the smiles and giggles as you do it and as she looks in the mirror at herself when it is done.

She's two, and I love her oh so much. Time, please slow down.

Enjoy the Journey.

Dear Girlie,

Girlie, you've been put through so much lately and you cannot get healthy! In the last 3 weeks you have had a double ear infection with a UTI on top of that, (two biopsy's and blood work) then you had another ear infection,  on the way back from the dr. when that was diagnosed you puked everywhere in the car (last Friday). Then Sunday came and during sacrament meeting you started to run a fever and fell asleep in Granma's arms towards the end. Dad took you home with Granpa and put you down for a nap and then he came back to church.

Then Tuesday you woke up from your nap in screaming pain. You wouldn't put any weight on your left leg at all. After about 45 min you finally did and then walked with a limp for a while. I also noticed some raised strange spots on your knee that almost looked wart like. So yesterday I took you to the Dr. The Dr. said she thinks you might have had a reaction to the antibiotic that you were put on and told us to take you off of it. I also noticed some spots on your lips and asked her about them. Turns out when you woke up this morning for sure you now have hand, foot, and mouth.

Also your biopsy's came back early this week. Once again they showed non-specific hypersensitivity reaction.

Basically we're home, not doing much of anything because I don't want your friends to get sick and I don't want you to catch anything else! We've had to turn down a lot of invitations to do fun things, and I keep asking for rainchecks so that when you do get healthy we have lots of fun things to do! Hopefully this will all go away quickly and we'll figure out what's going on with your little body!

I love you!

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Your body has been through a lot lately sweet girl. Your spots have been the worst they've ever been. You're itching them like crazy, they're on your trunk, your face, and they've crossed into your privates. It's heartbreaking to see you itching constantly. You've been in our bed most of the night almost every night for the past 3 weeks.

I took you to an allergist last Thursday. It is actually where Aunt Bethany works! She wrote on the paper of the exam chair for you and gave you stickers! The allergist confirmed that it isn't an allergy, so now we have two things completely confirmed, it isn't cancer and it isn't an allergy. He ordered some blood work and told us to take it to our apt. at the peed derm. at Primary's.

Yesterday was your apt. at Primary's. Dr. V. has no idea what is causing your spots. She did two biopsy's which was heartbreaking. I had to hold you belly to belly again in the exam chair while she did it. Afterwards though the nurse brought you a purple blanket with "ca qua and bub els!"(ducks and bubbles) on it. You have been attached to it since she brought it, immediately exclaiming "Momma, kol!" meaning that you wanted me to wrap you up. So I did and carried you out all wrapped up in it and everyone gave me crazy looks because it was so hot outside, you were happy though and that was all that mattered.

We went downstairs and waited for your blood work. I may have tricked you a bit, you walked right in front of me and handed the lady the paperwork. She was so fast at drawing your blood and got it on the first try even though you were so sad.

Today you only remember where your blood was drawn, and occasionally look at your arm and say "ow." I'm so glad that you don't remember your biopsy's because those are much worse. You're also a bit of a crying mess today. I have a big list of things to do but they're not happening. We're now cuddling on the couch watching "Sophia the First".

Girlie, I hope we get some answers soon about your spots. My heart just breaks for you every time you get new ones.

I love you Girlie,

Kara

Dear Girlie,

Tonight you reminded me again how lucky I am to be your mom. This weekend we had Granpa and Granma here from Thursday evening until this afternoon. Also this afternoon Dad went and picked up Uncle Michael, Auntie Felicia, and (baby) Alex from the airport.

After Granpa and Granma left the other three passed out on the couch and we put your new bed together! We bought you a day bed today and after we got it all set up and I got your bed made I wanted to take it back. I can't believe how old you are getting!

Tonight Uncle Michael and Auntie Felicia did bedtime routine with us. When you prayed you prayed for Da-e and Mom and baby. It touched my heart. It was a witness to me that you really do understand the things that we are teaching you. You really do understand prayers and what they mean.

I really am so lucky to be your mom. You remind me of the truly important things in life. Thank you sweet girl!

I love you!

Love,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Girlie you had another appointment with the Dermatologist at Primary's this week. You still have spots baby girl! We're going on 6 months (almost 7) with these. Dr. V. doesn't know what they are and has called them a "mystery rash." She moved your med to the morning, put you on another one at night and put you on a different/stronger steroid topical cream. She's hoping this will work, but we go back in May.

Tonight girlie when you reminded mom and dad of the importance of prayer when you said your bedtime prayers. You were kneeling by your bed jabbering away and then we clearly heard "Da-eee, Mom, Gapa" you continued to jabber and then said "Men!" and hopped into bed. It was also a reminder that you really do pay attention to the things we try to teach you and are learning even though you are still little!

Lately when you get into bed and dad is giving you a "squeeze" and a kiss you put your hand on his cheek and turn him to me, grab my cheek and push us together to kiss. You hold your hands on our cheeks and then move our faces away from each other when we are allowed to finish. You'll do it again and say "nose" meaning that you want us to do eskimo kisses. It is pretty adorable. Tonight when you had dad and I kiss you came in for a three-some triangle kiss and we all laughed.

Another thing that you do lately is to go in for a kiss and then lick (generally) dad's nose and say "goooooo!" (gross), and start to giggle and laugh because you think you are so funny. If I try to do it to you during the day you stare at me blankly like "really mom?" but when it's dad it's the funniest thing ever!

Sweetheart, you're our favorite. We're so thankful for everything that you constantly teach us and remind us of.

I love you,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Last week you had a rough morning, (turns out we were both sick starting that afternoon) and didn't want to go down for your nap. Everything was terribly sad and would make you cry.

As I laid next to you in bed I started singing "I am a Child of God" to you and you started to calm down. As I finished the verse you said, in a terribly sad begging voice, "I... I..." asking me to sing it again. I think I ended up singing it fifteen or so times but you finally fell asleep.

I'm thankful for your love of music and especially of church songs already. You love to sing songs several times a day, and we know when we mention it we're going to have to sing every single one of the ones that you know.

I'm also thankful for those quiet moments when I get to lay with you while you're falling asleep. I know sometimes I feel frustrated because your taking longer than normal to fall asleep, but I quickly remind myself that I am your mother, and it is my greatest privilege to get to do things like this. So thank you Girlie, for letting me put you to sleep, for tapping the pillow next to you after you'll only give dad a hug, and telling me "nigh, night" because you want it to be me to put you to sleep, and you think if you give me a hug before I lay down that I'll leave.

Thank you for teaching me to slow down and enjoy the moments, and not get too caught up in the everyday routine.

I love you Girlie.

Love,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

I just realized I forgot to tell you what the Dr. at Primary's said about your spots. She officially diagnosed them as "mystery rash" and put you on a cream and a medicine. From the questions she asked me it sounds like your little body has reacted to something and it is stuck in the cycle of reacting and they won't go away.

We got the medicines and you're a champ at taking them. Daddy is so good at remembering to give your medicine every night but I need to do better at remembering to put the cream on you. You don't have as many spots but you still have spots. They went away for a few days, but they're back. We're hopeful though that they will still go away and that your little body will return to normal.

Also Da-e went on a business trip a couple of weeks ago and you missed him so bad. You loved talking to him on the computer but were so happy when he came home, and so was mom. I'm glad he doesn't go away often on trips but he had a fun time.

You're growing so fast and I want to slow time down, but I can't so I'm just trying to enjoy every single day getting to stay at home with you.

I love you girlie,

Mom.

Dear Girlie,

Girlie, you've been growing up so much lately. Every day I am amazed by the things you are learning and teaching me at the same time.

Last week I smashed my finger in your closet door while I was trying to get clothes out for you. I was slightly crying while I was getting you dressed and you were so concerned. I would barely get something done, such as putting one leg in your pants, and you would stand up and wrap your arms around me and give me a big squeeze. You did this several times because you were so concerned about me and why I was crying.

Next, you haven't had diapers for a whole week! I'm so proud of you sweet girl! You are so good about telling us when you need to go potty and not having any accidents. We've been leaving your bedroom and our bedroom doors open so that we know when your'e awake. This week I took a couple of naps and you would just walk in and find me sleeping on my bed and say "hi." It was so cute!

Lately, you've also thrown a few fits I can't get you calmed down for almost anything. You seem to get frustrated because you can't tell me what you want and it irritates you. I have learned that if I stop and hold you tight and start singing "I am a Child of God" then you calm down and melt in my arms.

Sweet girl, you make me so happy. I love being your mom and am so glad that I get to stay home with you everyday and teach you and even more, learn from you. Thank you for your patience with me, and for the smiles, hugs, kisses, and laughs everyday.

Love,

Mom

Enjoy the Journey.

Dear Girlie

You're getting so "old" lately. I can't believe how quickly you are learning new things and getting smarter. One of your newest things is to say "Mom, mom, mom, mom" until I look at you and say "Yes Emery?" to which you generally respond in jibberish and sometimes I can at least get a clue as to what you want.

You have also actually started to say "all done" lately and it is adorable. I can ask you to do anything and you completely understand. I'll say "take these toys into your room and come back" and you will, or "take off your coat and then put your shoes away" and you'll do both of them as well!

Friday after lunch you told me you were all done and then said to me "nigh night" explaining that you were ready for your nap! I really can't believe how quickly you are growing but it is so much fun!

You went to nursery again today and didn't look back at me, just in to play and loved it. I can't believe how quickly you're growing!

I love you sweet girlie!

Love,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Today we went to church with Julie and Jill because Kayden was being ordained. You technically could have gone to nursery in December, but we were sick, out of town, etc. We decided today we would try and take you and see how it went.

Daa-e (as you call him) and I walked you in and you immediately went to the puzzles on the floor and started playing with them with the nursery leader. After about a minute of you ignoring us Dad went to go save me a seat in Sunday School. Someone else brought their granddaughter in and you tried to play with her a little but she wasn't interested so you went back to the puzzles.

I waited around for three or four more minutes but you never looked at me again so I decided to head to class. I told the leader which class we'd be in and I left. I worried a lot about if you were happy and having fun.

Dad peeked in on you after Sunday School and you were sitting at the table having a snack with the other girl. You were the only two in there today! I went to Relief Society and Dad went to Priesthood. After it was done you and Dad met me in the hall. You wanted me immediately which made me feel good! You had freezing arms because the nursery was so cold today, even when they tried to turn the heat up!

Dad told me that the nursery leaders said you were so great for them! You only cried for me once, and they started to blow bubbles and you were happy. You were great sharing your toys, you loved your snack and you danced through the Mormon Message they showed you.

I don't think I was fully prepared for you to go to nursery, or at least adjust that well! I'm so glad it went so well and that you had so much fun.

You're growing up too fast girlie!

Love,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

You've had a rough week sweet girlie. Monday you only had a 20 minute nap on the way home from the Dr's office in Provo. You saw two different Dr.'s and they've referred you to a pediatric dermatologist at Primary Children's Hospital. Your spots have been worse this week than they have been the entire three months you've had them. Your back feels like a bumpy toad.

On Tuesday I really felt like I needed to take you back into the dermatologist you'd already seen even though I didn't like him (his "bedside manner" wasn't the best).  Again you ended up with a short nap, this time an hour, and we waited 45 minutes to be seen. He looked at your spots and thinks that you have GGA-Generalized Granuloma Annulare. It's EXTREMELY rare in children, but possible. 

They don't know what causes it, or what to do to fix it. If that is what it is, he said it will take you 2 months to 2 years to grow out of it. And where the white centers of your spots are could leave dark spots (like scars almost).  He said to make sure it was GGA that he needed to do a biopsy. Girlie, that was so sad. They had me lay in the procedure chair, strip you down to your diaper and hold you belly to belly. They put High School Musical on for you, and I hope you don't hate it now from the traumatic experience. They numbed you and you started crying so hard. Almost instantly your hair was soaking wet from sweat and alligator tears were streaming down your face. The nurse had to push you against me and was commenting how strong you were. They took the biopsy from your right love handle, and then gave you just one stitch to close it up. 

It didn't take too long to calm you down, but that was only for a short time. I had to take you downstairs to get your blood drawn. Three different people tried in both arms, fishing for blood and didn't get any. I finally made you stop because you were so so sad and it made me sad to have them keep poking you. You were crying so hard I thought you were going to pass out. 

Yesterday I took you to the outpatient lab at the hospital where we went last time and they were able to get enough blood from pricking your finger! You only cried when they were almost done and I think it was because you didn't know why she was still pushing on your finger. 

You've been through a lot in the past few days girlie, but hopefully we'll start getting some answers. It breaks my heart to see you covered in spots, even if they don't bother you.

I love you,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Putting you to sleep is one of my favorite times of the day. Not because it means I'm "off" active duty, but because we generally share some precious moments. To be able to fall asleep either dad or I lay next to your bed and you hold our ear. Lately you've discovered my scar and have been rubbing it, then you just put your hand on my chest to touch my skin for a while, then move back to my ear before you fall asleep.

I can tell as you're falling asleep because your grip on my ear gets lighter and lighter until gently your hand falls away from my ear and onto the pillow. BUT you don't always fall asleep in a timely manner. Sometimes dad or I have to leave the room and let you cry for just a minute so you know we mean business and that it is bedtime. We HATE listening to you cry, but you understand what we mean and get in the right mindset to fall asleep.

The last few days as I've put you down, we'll lay there and then you break out into the actions for "Popcorn Popping" starting with "make a treat, a popcorn ball that would smell so sweet, it wasn't really so, but it seemed to me, popcorn popping on the apricot tree." As you finish you clap your hands and then go back to my ear. It is one of those moments that makes me so happy to be your mom.

We've had people say, "don't you just wish you could lay her down and she'd go to sleep?" I use to wish that, but I've realized you're growing too fast (You've grown an inch since Thanksgiving!!!) and I won't get to have these moments forever. So, I'm happy to lay with you to put you to sleep.

Love,

Mom

Dear Girlie,

Tonight we did your bedtime routine and you melted my heart. This week our song is "Book of Mormon Stories" and you did the actions for the first two verses (the only ones we sing right now) all by yourself! I don't know how you are getting so old!

Every day you are surprising me with new things you are learning. You don't love to say words yet, but you are communicating with me constantly. Today you finally learned how to scoot forward on your car/walker. Last night you slept for 12.5 hours straight without waking up once! And then you took a 3.5 hour nap today as well!

Girlie, you get prettier every day! Your hair is starting to grow so fast and get long, which always makes your hair CRAZY after you wake up. You're growing so fast as well, I've noticed your jammies are starting to get smaller/fit better lately.

This morning you decided that your socks make great balls to throw down the stairs, and you enjoyed watching how many stairs you could throw them down. You even got a few pairs all the way down to the landing at the bottom! Dad is working so hard with you for your throwing arm, it's getting quite impressive.

I'm so blessed to be your mom girlie. Thank you for teaching me new things everyday!

Love,

Mom

Stake Center Dedication

(I wrote this post two weeks ago but didn't get to publish it because I wanted to take the picture to add to it)

Dear Girlie,

Last night we went to our stake center dedication. Our stake was created about a year ago, so we needed our own stake center because of the growing stake. 

You were amazed. You kept looking at the lights and pointing to them saying "Wow." You held the hymn books and marveled at the "newness" of them as you flipped through them as you would any. You were well behaved and did a pretty good job staying quiet except when you would look up in amazement and tried to share that with everyone. 

I am learning new things from you everyday and am so glad you're mine! 

Thank you for reminding me of the sacredness of our Heavenly Father's church buildings, and to marvel at the fineness of the craftsmanship and workmanship that goes into them.

Love,

Mom

These Are The Days to Remember.

Dear Girlie,

As I was putting you to bed tonight I was thinking about how these are days to remember, so I thought I'd write down what happened today.

Today you woke up about 7:45, and daddy still had time before he had to go to work. We went downstairs and he was making pancakes for breakfast so I threw some on for us too. You did surprisingly well today not making too much of a mess with the chocolate chip pancakes and syrup. 

Dad had to go to work so we finished breakfast and then played for the next few hours. You watched Daniel Tiger and I cut out some felt for garlands. I pretended to sleep and you came and kissed me to "wake me up." You climbed up and down the bar stools, up and down the chairs for the kitchen table, up and down, up and down. At about eleven you started climbing on me, then you started crying. You were so upset suddenly. I decided you might be hungry, it was earlier than normal but it was worth a shot. You ate two of your (re-useable) pouches of yogurt, then a bowl of macaroni and cheese. 

Then the floor turned into lava that was apparently going to swallow you up if I put you on the ground, it was amazing to see how high you could pull your legs up. I decided you might be tired, even though it was early for that too. We went upstairs and I put you in your bed, you fell asleep in two, three minutes tops. 

You were exhausted. I think you're growing girlie! You've been hungrier, and sleepier than normal lately. You slept for almost three hours girlie! After you woke up we read some books, you helped me sew a garland, we played and you climbed on the bar stools up and down again. 

We went next door and you played with Nathan, Sophie and Hyrum. I helped Katie clean her kitchen, and you learned again how important it is to share. Then we decided to go to the playground. There were other friends already at the playground and we ended up playing there for an hour or so. 

At the park you climbed all the way up to the tallest slide and went down by yourself! You're getting so big! One of your friends had a cozy coup and you played in that. You thought it was so cool, and knew exactly what to do! You amaze me every day with how much you know!

At about five we headed home from the playground and got a snack. I cut an apple and we shared it. You LOVE apples these days. While I was cleaning you dumped cereal and pretzel balls all over the floor and played with your toys. Dad called to tell us he was on his way home and I started making dinner. While I made dinner you climbed on the bar stools and tried to grab a left over pancake from breakfast. I moved it closer and you grabbed it and devoured it.

We called dad to see where he was and he was just getting off our exit. We went outside and sat on the step and talked to him until I saw his car pulling up then I hung up. I stood you up on my legs and you saw him. You get so excited when he gets home from work. All is right in the world when daddy gets home. Today he didn't have any containers from lunch for you to carry in and put in the sink; you were disappointed, but quickly snuggled into his shoulder for hugs as he carried you into the house. 

We ate dinner (pizza bagels) and then got you dressed (when you ate your pancake you sat in a few crumbs so you needed new pants). I had found a deal on pumpkins ($1 ea!) so we got in the car to go and pick some out. Dad put on the music and you immediately started to dance. It's so fun to watch you dance, and I need to get a video of it in the car because it's so cute. 

We picked out pumpkins and headed to the library. Dad ran in by himself to pick up an audio book that he has been waiting for. You danced some more as we headed to Julie and Jill's to drop off their pumpkins. 

Their door was locked and you pushed your face right up against the window next to the door. Kennedy ran and pushed hers up on the other side and you started to laugh. As we went inside Savanna ran up to you hoping to be greeted with her usual kiss from you. Tonight you did NOT want to kiss her and started to run away. You ran right into the coffee table and were thrown back about a foot as you landed on your bum. We all thought it was pretty funny, including you. You then ran to Jill, sitting at the table, to see what she was eating, but didn't want any tonight.

After a short visit we headed to Smiths to grab some milk. We let you walk into the store, and as dad was holding your hand starting to walk in, you put your left hand up to hold mine as well. It always melts my heart when you do that. As you walked through the store you did a really good job not grabbing everything off of the shelves, and behaving yourself. 

When we got back out to the car we headed to Orange Leaf for family night. I got you a gummy bear and you thought it was so cool. You licked it but never actually ate it. I think it was still on the floor in front of the couch when we left. On the way home you were making faces, and sitting quietly in the back seat as I talked to dad, until we were almost home and you started singing along to the song. 

We pulled in the driveway and you knew we were home, as you started to try to put your hands under your straps to get out. Dad carried you in and let you push the button to close the garage door like usual. It makes you so excited to realize what you are doing and how things work. 

Dad said we needed to clean up, and I told him to have you do a little bit, but that I would finish when you went to bed; it was already past your bedtime. You headed straight for the stairs instead so we decided it was straight to bed. 

We went through your bedtime routine, starting with your book and you pulling it out from it's "place" under your bed, then tonight we finished Alma! We sang our song, this week it is I Love to See the Temple. The last few days you've started to say your own prayer before dad or I help you say one. You're doing so great with prayers and also with always saying thank you "tank you" for everything. 

When you got in bed you were a little hesitant to lay down so I put your blanket over your face and said "Where's the girlie?" Dad climbed onto your bed for a kiss goodnight and he kissed you through the blanket. You thought it was so funny. Daddy did it for a few minutes and then said goodnight to go and ship stuff that has sold. 

I laid on/next to your bed (you're bed is a twin on a trundle and we have it lowered as much as it will go so it's only 3" off the ground) and tried to get you to sleep. You wanted to play, so I left for a few minutes and you cried. You didn't get out of your bed, just sat up and cried. Dad came to the top of the stairs and talked to me while I waited a few minutes, we talked about how it was sad to let you cry, but you always go to sleep better/faster if we let you for a minute or two.

I went back into your room and you laid back down, you snuggled in next to your pillow and grabbed my ear again. We lay there for a few minutes and you took your pacifier out and kissed me, then put it back in. About fifteen minutes later you fell asleep. I crawled out of the room, and was to the second step going down when you started to cry. I went back in and you laid down. I sat next to your bed and you went right back to sleep, again I crawled out of your room (the floor is creaky by your door, and it doesn't make as much noise we've discovered if we crawl out!). 

This time you stayed asleep. I went and helped dad with stuff and then we watched a show and are headed to be ourselves. 

Sweet Dreams Girlie.

Love,

Mom.

Enjoy the Journey.